dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
