I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize