Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
