Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
