i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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