Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
