Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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