There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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