Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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