Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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