His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
