i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You pole danced in your parka.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
