remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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