why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
