apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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