new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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