you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I fill condoms, not promises.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
