Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
