My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
