I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
