yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
