I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All the doctor said was why
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
