Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
