Pappa wants mamma naked
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
