Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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