did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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