I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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