You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
