drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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