I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
