I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
