my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
