dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
