i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
