Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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