I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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