dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
