she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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