She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
