Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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