What a fucking waste of an outfit
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
