shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
