i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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