i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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