I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
