You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
