Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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