Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
