I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
