I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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