Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
