I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
