well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
