I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
