Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
That reminds me...we need to get swords
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
