I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
