Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize