Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
