dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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