Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
