that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
