Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize