I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
