I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
