Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
