shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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