I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can I color on your dick again?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
