the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize